Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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