im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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