I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
