I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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