So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
