false alarm. still invincible.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
