I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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