she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
