remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
