things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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