When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
