CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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