Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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