I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
