If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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