I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
