never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
