Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This house was built for laser tag.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
