I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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