I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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