Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
