just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dick very happy bro
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
