i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
