ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
