just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
