She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
