Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
