He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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