i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
