If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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