she was so not down for the gang bang
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
