There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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