Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
