I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
