So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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