What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
