I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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