All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
