Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize