Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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