We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
