You're my little dorito
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
