I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
