he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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