You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
