I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
