omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
