Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
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The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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