if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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