can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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