Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
