she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
