i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
