u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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