Screwed.edu
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
