Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
