Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
