All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
