I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
