But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
where are you?
Hypothermia
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
