I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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